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mac_stone
mac_stone
24 January 2009 @ 04:41 pm
Mindful speech principles  
I have a number of friends who work very hard to adhere to these guidelines, when choosing whether or not to say something:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

I've been giving this a good deal of thought, of late. It honestly seems to me a pretty good rule of thumb for moving through the world.
I certainly have a temper, I know. So like most humans, I struggle from moment-to-moment with what to say, what to let go, and when to walk away.

ETA Meanwhile, I spent the day doing hoof-trims on a bunch of horses, and I'm staggering tired. So if I'm slow to respond in the comments, please know it's probably just because I fell asleep in my chair. For the record - this is NOT a conversation about race. Attempts to tie this conversation to the GCADofDoom2009 will be summarily deleted.
 
 
Mood: pensive
 
19 comments | Leave a comment
 
( 19 comments — Post a new comment )
Renata Piper[info]lyonesse on January 25th, 2009 12:39 am (UTC)
i admit i usually go with the "two out of three ain't bad" approach on that front.
mac_stone[info]mac_stone on January 25th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
I've always gone with the two-outta-three approach, as well. But lately, I'm rethinking that stance. I dunno as two out of three is enough for me, at this point in my life.
Renata Piper[info]lyonesse on January 25th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC)
if you can manage all three my hat's definitely off to you! :)
mac_stone[info]mac_stone on January 25th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
Oh, I don't manage it.

But it's always good to challenge ourselves. *sigh*
Renata Piper[info]lyonesse on January 25th, 2009 06:11 am (UTC)
i confess i still find two a challenge on quite a regular basis myself.
Lucy Huntzinger: dr horrible[info]athenais on January 25th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
I hesitate over the third one a lot, as my choice often comes down to "Do I need to be heard more than I need the other person to be comfortable?" A lot of times I don't want the drama that comes from making someone else face an unpleasant truth, but I get tired of being assumed to be a weenie just because I care more for someone else's comfort levels than for my own right to give my opinion on someone.
Zak Jarvis: Gray[info]voidmonster on January 25th, 2009 01:19 am (UTC)
Yeah. That's the one I grapple with too.

I try very hard to not pretend that I am anyone else's growth and learning. It's their job, not mine, and more often than not the reward for pointing out what's uncomfortable is a sound thrashing. Especially when you're right. So I tend to just hold my tongue a lot.

Which leads to running my mouth because it all gets bottled up with coke and mentos.
zanzjan[info]zanzjan on January 25th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC)
Although I do generally try to adhere to guidelines like that, I'm afraid I also have to add:

Is it funny?
bmlg: protectrice[info]bmlg on January 25th, 2009 05:36 am (UTC)
I sometimes go by "Will it be heard?"
mac_stone[info]mac_stone on January 25th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
That's actually a really good question to ask ourselves, too. Thank you.
a_d_medievalist[info]a_d_medievalist on January 25th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
Another one is, "do I have to be the person to say this?" I've go a reputation at work for being the person who will ask the hard questions -- or the ones that end up looking like targets tacked on my back. So people just wait for me to do so. People appreciate it, and thank me. But I've got to the point where I wait to see if anyone else will go there. And I don't need to reiterate, do I?
Keilexandra[info]keilexandra on January 26th, 2009 06:48 am (UTC)
I think I will try to adopt those principles from now on.
mac_stone[info]mac_stone on January 26th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
I really, really wish I was better at it. But it's something I plan to work towards, for sure.
the inexorable falcon of doom: Aristotle[info]rhinemouse on January 27th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
I would tend to believe in (not necessarily live by!) those guidelines too, though I think the word "kind" is unfortunately vague--since it can be interpreted into either "I can't hurt their feelings, who cares about the truth?" or "It's always a kindness to give people the truth of my pure, unvarnished opinion!"

The questions I've been trying to ask myself the last few years are "What am I trying to accomplish by saying this?" and "Do I really want to do that?" (Funny how often the answer to the second one turns out to be "No, not really...")
clever blog title[info]julia_reynolds on January 27th, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
So, like a horse manicure? How do you do that, do you have to put the horse's foot in some kind of restraint? That seems like a procedure that a horse might try to discourage.
clever blog title[info]julia_reynolds on January 28th, 2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
THAT is a heck of a tough way to make a living! I hope there's no biting....
Lisa L. Spangenberg[info]medievalist on January 28th, 2009 09:47 pm (UTC)
Err . . . well, yes, sometimes there is biting. Mostly if the horse is not likely to be calm, you get someone to hold said critter. You'll note that the horse in the picture wants very much to see what's going on "Hey! That's my foot! What're you doin' with my foot, hunh??"

Some are so very polite that they will hold their foot out for you. Then there are the ones who decide you're a fence post and they'll just sorta lean on you . .

See why I think writing fiction would be a much better occupation?

Edited at 2009-01-28 09:47 pm (UTC)
anna or nanner or fannyanns or hey you :): falling in love rocks[info]fannyanns on March 3rd, 2009 05:50 am (UTC)
my therapist introduced me to those guidelines a while ago... I like them quite a bit.

(I have a tendency to joke around sometimes, but when I'm serious, I try to think of those three questions before I say something...)

(found you from [info]coffeeandink)